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We talk, i feel at home. I pour out the deepest parts of my mind, heart and soul to you. i tell you of the scars running deep within my heart and trust that you will listen without passing any judgments. I share with you my greatest moments of joy, knowing that we celebrate without envy. I tell you of the falls and crazy decisions and you tell me to go on. I ask if I’m that insane and you are quick to say no. Maybe all this is just my way of saying that I appreciate you and your time.

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I am grateful

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pic credit:lovethispic.com

Lord, I look back and I’m grateful. Grateful for the life I live, grateful for where I am. grateful for where you have taken me from, grateful for what I’v been through. I have had to grind and sweat for a lot, some things have just come as answered prayers, some i haven’t even had to pray for, but i still have and I’m grateful. For the people who have walked in and out of my life, whether by choice or the time had come I am grateful. For the beautiful smile that has never failed to show even in my darkest hour, its all gratitude above all.

I am eternally grateful, for I am a woman, a phenomenal one, both strong and weak, like fire and ice, all facades which i gladly embrace. I cry and still emerge better. I am thrown shade on yet I still shine, sometimes more than anyone else in the room, because my heart is eternally grateful.

They have called me family, and have stood by me through the messy and the easy, for them I am grateful. I remember when i used to call mom and tell her how scared i am of taking exams, she would always tell me that, “Baby you are a star so you will shine.” and shine is what i did. I still call her, just less often, but she still knows that she raised a fighter. And I hope I will tell her enough times, how grateful i am for her.

For everyone else, who has cared, given a thought, in a world where no one still thinks about someone else’s happiness,I am grateful. I tell my heart, my soul, never to stop playing to the rhythm of gratitude for life is beautiful.

EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED

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pic credit:Ismail Raja Sulbar

 

You have changed, they have changed. They have grown up, they have made choices. Some have left, while others have only remained as feeble memories. Those who can, have kept in touch. Some have had regrets.Some have never given a thought. In the end everything has changed and so have I.

You make him…

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photo credit: anal-getyczny.tumblr.com

 

My unborn daughter, to you my love.The girl I wish to see growing up to be more like me but better in every sense of the word, I write to you to tell you of my lessons from life.

You will grow up to be told of fairy-tale love. I hope you get to watch and read the Cinderella stories of our time. We will protect you from reality because we want you to grow with an imagination that runs wild and with untainted faith in humanity. You will grow up seeing the love that your father and I have, which is truest in its form. He will be there for you in every way possible and you will never get hurt.That my love, will be your idea of what men are. I will show you what happiness really should be and what respect for other beings truly means. But that will be us protecting you from the world. One day you will meet a guy, fall hopelessly in love, maybe he will be one of the many you have been with since we had the birds and the bees talk, but this will be real and you will know it.

My love, he will not be perfect. He will not be like your father because even him, I built him to be where we are, just like he did with me. You will hate some things about him, you will compromise more than once because you know that he is your home where you find love. He might just have dreams, but you nature them and make him believe that he can achieve all of them, if he doesn’t, you will love him the same. He might not look the way you want him to, and dress the way you think will make him look more handsome and respectable, but you my dear will fix that over time. Do not worry the nurturing part of you will take care of that. When he comes home exhausted and a mess, you will give him a place to let it all out and heal for the next day, you saw your father happy almost every morning, I took care of that. He might have wayward opinions of people and love and politics and sports and everything, you will listen, learn all about him and be the company he needs because in all that you will also find your place in life.

He will err just like you will do so many times. but as they say, to err is human and to forgive is divine. Take your time to love him either way from your beautiful soul. Talk to him, tell him your worries and like your father he will take care of you. Share with him your joys and achievements, and he will help you soar even higher. Build him up love, and he will do the same for you. You will not get the successful young man who has it all and knows it all, but in the end, you will look back, old and grey and smile knowing how far you have come together, probably from nothing, just like your father and I. So have a big heart, do not expect perfection in people, learn and grow with him, you will be a happy soul, not just a beautiful one.

My love, that wont change..

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photo credit:Ismail Raja Sulbar

You left once, you left again and you say that this is the last time that you will take his crap. What you fail to realise is that all those little reasons you have been leaving keep pointing to the same real reason over and over again.

 

He has never made an effort. He has never pursued you. He has never endured the difficult times, and in the good times he has acted like it meant nothing at all. He has lied and you have caught him time and again, yet you still see the good in him. He little flicker of goodness still gives you hope like a ray of sunshine in a cold winter morning, that maybe he will be what you dream of. You still come to me crying and because I have been where you are now, I let you be. I let you make that mistake hoping that maybe you get to be luckier than me, or you get to realise how wrong we still are in the end. We have gone around in the same old circles, expecting a different turn, a different result from it all. My love, we still get the same old hurt, scorn,scars, tears and this time I wont let you. Leave it all behind. Hold my hand to start over. Talk to me all you want, I am here till the morning. come and let me give you hope because from there I get my hope also. Let us share our stories again and laugh at the notion of stupid unconditional love. Close your eyes, hold my hand and start over, I will be by your side as your true friend. or maybe, just maybe, he will do right by you this time around.

I had hoped …

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Pic credit: Chigirev Portrait Photography

Pic credit :
Chigirev Portrait Photography

Looking back at it,  how it all began. How we were great. How we laughed all day.  How we cared and how it meant to talk.  The smile each time there was a goodbye, knowing that we would count the hours until we saw each again.  I had hoped that we would have that forever.
I had hoped that we would achieve every Dream,  pat each other’s back,  pick up the pieces for each other when we got broken,  lift each other on our feeble shoulders just to reach every possible height.  I had just hoped.
I had hoped we would grow old together. Walk with crooked backs and laugh at the many steamy hours we used to have.  The long days spent in bed just to talk about all and anything. The long walks we had just to pass time together, the nights out that made out hearts sparkle,  the kids we would have who would look like their mom,  the times we would fight and make up all night.  The love we shared that made our journey worth the while.
I had hoped that we shared the same dreams at night,  that you saw in me what I saw in you,  that you would be afraid of loosing me even in your dreams,  that you would make me the one that would never get away. That when I smiled you saw my heart beaming with what I felt and dreamt.
I had hoped and I still hope that you share the same hopes or at least one day you will. 

I know of a man, a man in love..

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Over the years, from experience, my friends’ experiences and just looking around, I have come to know of a few things about this kind of man. I will break it down like this;

  1. He stops being selfish, thinking about him and his ego. Yes there are trained professionals in knowing when to put the ladies first but this man, he just doesn’t try hard. It becomes second nature to him, his woman’s needs first although he does not forget to take care of himself.
  2. He wants the world to know about it, the fact that he has found a love that he can call his own. He does not hesitate to introduce his woman and love to all who matter as his woman not just Katy or Chido or some pseudo kinda phrase. And sometimes to those who are not that significant in his life, he just wants them to know, and that excludes facebook and changing whatsapp profile pics like dippers lol.
  3. And on the social media note, he just has to put one or two pics out there. Maybe for the wolves to stay away, or maybe to just know that its there, but point is, his woman is not a secret to hide.
  4. Spending time with his woman is what he tries to do whenever possible, for the sake of the memories if making her happy is an obvious one. Whether its grabbing their favourite ice cream over lunch, or just taking long walks on a lazy Saturday afternoon, or just that visit kumaraini(in the neighborhood) after a long day of work, for the detoxing and destressing effect you know. To him its all worth it.
  5. He tries as much as he can to save the burning house and everyone in it. In other words, when the relationship goes through that dreaded phase( oh trust me, its DREADED), where everything that can go wrong goes wrong and things start falling apart, he tries. It’s all about trying, he does his best, she does her best and you know how that goes.
  6. He knows the importance of Good morning love, good night hun, whether he is home or thousands of miles away.
  7. He sees a future, even a day, a week or a month, of happiness and love with the woman who is right there in his life.
  8. The golden rule, he never ever cheats..
  9. He knows the importance of being patient,loving, trusting and forgiving. And how it reciprocates if he keeps giving all three.
  10. He goes down on his knees, to pray for his love, that part is priceless.

So on that note, i will have to find a woman in love for the next post…